A Safe Driving Guide for My 16-Year-Old Daughter in North America

Last week, while chatting with a church brother, he mentioned that almost every young person at the church who drives has “knocked a car flying”. This “knocking a car flying” is obviously an exaggeration. It means almost every kid’s been in an accident, and it might be a pretty severe one.

My daughter is 16. She’s passed the written test and is now learning to drive with me. If all goes well, she might be officially on the road by the end of the year. I’ve talked to her about some safe driving tips and always wanted to organize these bits of experience, but I’ve been putting it off.

After hearing that brother talk about the challenges young people face in driving today, I thought, I really should write up this guide soon, and so here’s today’s piece.

A bit of background: I got my driver’s license in 2017 and drove about 100,000 kilometers in China. I’ve driven in cities that follow the rules more, like Shanghai and Hangzhou, as well as wilder places like Changsha and Yunnan.

After moving to the U.S. in 2022, I retook the driving test here. The driving ideas and rules are quite different from China’s. So far, I’ve driven nearly 100,000 kilometers here too. Many people know Americans drive fast, but even with the speed, I still find driving here more comfortable.

I’ve got a pretty good driving record, never been in an accident. No rear-ending, hitting someone, or being hit by others. Of course, I shouldn’t boast; I believe it’s God’s protection. Actually, many times I’ve passed through danger.

Safe driving has two important aspects: the technical aspect and the safety awareness aspect.

From a technical standpoint, driving safely is actually simple. Just do these two things:

Don’t hit others.
Don’t let others hit you.

Technical Aspect

01. Keep a safe following distance

Not hitting others, following is definitely the most important skill. Of course, this skill first requires you to be focused enough, don’t get distracted while driving.

Second, keep an appropriate distance:

Generally speaking, it’s recommended to keep a distance that allows you to stop the car in about three seconds.
This distance isn’t fixed and should be adjusted based on current road conditions and speed.
For example, on the highway, you should maintain a long enough following distance.

02. Legal and reasonable speed

Not speeding in America sounds almost like a joke.

Americans follow rules and order in many things, but when it comes to car speed, maybe from pastors to thieves, everyone violates the rules, that is, everyone speeds.

For example, on roads with a speed limit of 65 mph, everyone might be driving at 80 mph. Because there are fewer cameras in America, and many times cameras don’t work, as long as you don’t get caught by the police, speeding usually isn’t a problem.

When setting up the driving style for Tesla’s autopilot, there were three options: exceed the speed limit by 5%, 10%, or 20-40%. When I saw the option to exceed by 20-40%, I couldn’t help but laugh.

As for my own style, I’d probably keep it around 5%. If the limit is 65, I’ll drive at most between 68 and 70.

Reasonable legal speed is also an important premise to not hit others.

03. Observe the car in front and the information it conveys

Observing the signals the car in front gives off is very important.

For instance, is it braking, or is it about to change lanes or turn? There’s something specific I’d like to share. I think it’s very prone to causing accidents: a straight road with an exit in the middle, where vehicles can turn off into a commercial area or hotel. When the car in front shows intention to turn off from the straight lane, you must slow down in time, regardless of whether they use their indicator light.

Because the car in front has to slow down to turn off the main road at about a 90-degree angle. But if you don’t slow down while following, the chances of rear-ending are high.

Additionally, when you see the signals from the front car, you also need to pass the signal back to the vehicles behind, to avoid being rear-ended.

For me, one principle is: when I see the car in front signaling a brake, meaning the taillights turn red, I’ll lightly press the brake to make my brake lights come on, passing the signal to the car behind, indicating something’s up ahead.

In summary, continuously observing the signals of the front car is to ensure you don’t hit others; promptly passing the signals to the cars behind is to avoid being hit by those behind you.

04. Look far ahead

Although the focus while driving is the car directly in front, you shouldn’t limit your view to just that car but should use peripheral vision to see far enough ahead to observe the whole road situation in front.

When you can see further, you can make some anticipatory judgments. For instance, whether the upcoming road is speed-limited, if there’s an accident ahead, or if there’s construction work.

I watched a video online where there’s a merge ahead, turning two lanes into one. The driver in the video wasn’t looking further ahead, just closely following the car in front. When the car in front encountered the lane merge, it moved very suddenly, and the driver in the video didn’t respond in time, crashing directly into it.

05. Regularly check mirrors

Many people, when driving, only check the mirrors when making a turn or changing lanes, otherwise, they mostly focus on the road ahead.

Fortunately, when I was learning to drive in Shanghai, my coach told me to have a sense of the overall car situation through the left, right, and center mirrors every 15 to 20 seconds.

I think this is a really good guide and reminder. I’ve basically developed this habit, so now when I drive, I have this mirror-checking action every 15 to 20 seconds.

For me, regularly checking the mirrors is important because I need to see how the situation is behind me and observe if anyone needs to change lanes or overtake.

If I encounter someone wanting to overtake, I’ll try to adjust to make it easier for the car behind to pass.

Another interesting thing is that I look through the mirror to gauge the general personality of the driver behind.

To see if they are like me, relatively mild, or more aggressive, even reckless. If I encounter those who weave in and out of traffic, I’ll choose to either let them pass or switch lanes myself to avoid staying in the same lane.

Regularly checking mirrors can ensure you don’t hit others, like hitting vehicles suddenly changing lanes or overtaking, and can also help you avoid being hit by the cars behind you.

When I was driving in Shanghai, although I would definitely check the mirrors, I rarely deliberately turned my head to look through the rear windows to check blind spots.

After coming to the U.S., turning your head to check outside the rear windows for blind spots became a must in the driving test. As I started to learn and understand this point, I found out, this can absolutely save your life.

I did a specific test:

When I’m standing on the car’s side, near the rear window and about two meters away, I’m completely invisible in the mirrors. That’s the visual blind spot.

There have been several times when, because I developed the habit of turning my head to check blind spots, I avoided dangerous situations. This kind of accident avoidance has happened to me at least five times. If I hadn’t checked the blind spots before changing lanes, I believe there would have been accidents.

Later in the U.S., I taught three or four people to drive. Almost every time I needed to teach them this point, I’d ask them to sit inside the car while I stood in the blind spot, so they could see if they could see me in the mirrors. This method deepens their impression and helps them develop the habit of turning their head to look at blind spots.

07. Prepare early for highway merge points

This is also a life-saving tip, especially when driving in North America.

Because in China, when you’re driving, there are so many cameras to ensure the rules. Especially in first-tier cities like Shanghai, highways or elevated roadway merge points have long white solid lines, and if you cross those lines, you’ll get photographed.

But in America, such solid lines, even yellow lines, are often virtually non-existent in their function. Almost everyone ignores these guide or prohibition lines. So, whether you’re passing through a merge point or preparing to enter a merge point, you need to observe early.

To break it down, if I’m already driving in the far-right lane of the highway:

When you pass a merging lane, don’t wait until you’re in the intersection to see if cars are merging.
You need to check well in advance to see if cars might be coming from the merging lane to meet you.
For me, if I see a car ready to merge, I adjust based on our speed and distance: if our speeds and distances are similar, I’ll usually slow down to let them merge quickly; if we’re quite far apart, I’ll slightly speed up to pass through the merge area faster.

Conversely, if I’m the one merging into a lane, I definitely don’t wait until I’m at the merge to check if there are cars on the main road.

The right approach is:

Check in advance. Before I’m in the merge lane, I look ahead to see if there are cars on the rightmost lane of the main road.
Adjust based on distance. If the car on the rightmost lane is close, I’ll slow down a bit to let them pass, then I’ll merge; if they’re far from me, I’ll speed up a bit to merge quickly.

Mindset

01. Driving is a job

I really like driving and I enjoy it a lot. But mentally, I treat driving as a job, a job that requires focus.

It sounds kinda contradictory: how can someone enjoy themselves in focused work?

But that’s exactly my lifestyle or philosophy. Just like how many people need music or a comedy skit while working; for me, the work itself, AI coding itself, gets me into a real flow state, and I find music as an extra.

I treat driving as something that demands intense focus.

On one hand, I genuinely enjoy controlling a vehicle and the sense of freedom it brings.

On the other hand, I feel a big responsibility while driving: I need to ensure my safety and also the safety of family and friends in the car.

02. Don’t act cool; one accident can leave you with a psychological shadow

I know some friends who’ve been in various accidents. After the accidents, they have a psychological shadow, a lot of fear and anxiety.

So you have to be careful when driving, don’t assume accidents won’t happen to you. Being careful definitely reduces the chance of accidents. Once you’ve been in one, it leaves a hard-to-fix negative impact on your driving mindset.

03. Have principles, like stopping for yellow lights

Like with anything, driving needs your own principles.

Like in stock investing, you need a trade principle on when to sell; similarly, for driving, you need rules. For me, an important one is: when the light turns yellow, if I can stop, I try to stop instead of rushing through.

Of course, stopping at a yellow light needs technique to ensure safety:

Avoid rear-end collisions. When stopping, make sure the car behind doesn’t crash into you.
Look far ahead. As mentioned earlier, see far enough ahead. When approaching an intersection, assess the light’s status from a distance to see if it’ll soon change.
Check car distance. Frequently check the rearview mirror, note how close the car behind is.

Another principle is not speeding. Even in the US, I won’t overdo it on speed. (I find this funny as I say it.) Since in the US, speed limits are usually 65 to 70 mph, I try to stay within 5 mph of the limit.

04. Don’t be afraid of honking, don’t lose principles when people rush you

Especially for new drivers.

There’s so much to handle as a new driver, both technically and psychologically:

Technically: You need to know how to drive the car well.
Psychologically: You need to overcome often feeling nervous.

When your speed is slow or if you accidentally make an improper lane change, cars behind might honk at you. Don’t panic; stay principled. Don’t act wrongly just because others rush you.

For instance, when you’re driving at a normal speed and a car honks at you for being slow, first check if there’s really an issue. Are you in the wrong lane? Are you on the fast lane on the highway?

If it’s your mistake, adjust quickly; if you’re driving properly and they’re just being picky, just ignore them.

05. Don’t think you’re really great

When I started driving, a friend gave me advice. He said the most dangerous time isn’t as a beginner, but when you’ve been driving for three to four years.

I was curious why.

He told me beginners are often safe because they’re cautious of their mistakes and follow traffic rules carefully.

But drivers with three to four years of experience become dangerous. They feel their skills are great and start bending rules or pick up bad habits, which is actually risky.

So, mentally, it’s essential to keep a ‘beginner mindset.’

I think I do well with this. I’ve been driving for about ten years, not too long, but the way I drive and my attitude has not changed much since being a beginner.

I’m often cautious, keeping both hands on the wheel. Unless there’s a special situation, I never steer with one hand. I see friends who drive one-handed and think it looks cool, but I don’t think it’s impressive.

Also, I keep a steady mindset:

If someone wants to pass, I let them.
I don’t like weaving between lanes; I don’t cut just because there’s a gap.
I prefer staying stable in one lane.

In the US, it’s interesting: on highways, everyone tends to speed; but on local roads, most prefer to stay in their lane rather than change lanes.

So for me, safe driving isn’t just gaining more skills; it’s understanding your limits more and more.

Skill maturity is important, but even more important is not underestimating risks as you get comfortable. The longer you drive, the more you should remember you’re not the best or someone who never makes mistakes.

Keeping a beginner mindset doesn’t mean staying tense; it means always being cautious and leaving room for yourself and others.