Don't Rush to Hand Over Tissues When Someone's Crying

Every time I see my kids, especially my two-year-old daughter, burst into tears over some little thing, even really sobbing, I feel so envious.

I used to love a song by Andy Lau, Men Should Cry, Crying Is Not a Sin. For an adult, having a good cry is much rarer and more precious than a good laugh. Thinking back, I can barely remember any times in a year when I really shed tears, let alone cried my heart out.

But whenever I do cry like that, my whole body and soul go through a complete release. For me, this kind of deep crying often happens in prayer, talking with God.

I’ve noticed an interesting thing: in churches, especially during small group gatherings, when people share and one of them (usually a sister) gets emotional and starts crying, even sobbing, there’s this unspoken “custom” or habit.

Someone will rush to find tissues and hand them over. And as soon as the tissues are offered, that person’s emotions usually calm down, the crying eases, and eventually stops.

From my own limited but precious experience of crying each year, at least for me, if I get the chance to cry, I really wish a sign would light up over my head: Please don’t give me tissues, let me cry as much as I need.

Because for people, especially adults, the opportunities to cry are actually very rare. Since they’re so rare, we should let it out fully, cry freely, cry with abandon.

So my simple suggestion is: When someone’s crying, don’t be so quick to hand over tissues. Let them naturally calm down. Please don’t take away someone’s right to enjoy their tears, even though many times it’s done with good intentions.