Starting to Attend Church Prayer Meetings

After coming back from China, I wanted to make some changes in my faith life and resolve to have “the mind of Christ.”

When I saw the notice for the Wednesday church prayer meeting, my initial reaction was the same as before: I won’t go. I didn’t want to participate, for several reasons. First, I still don’t feel a sense of belonging at the church (even after almost a year of joining). Second, it’s quite far—14 miles, a 30-minute drive. Third, I need to work evenings.

But if I’m serious about my resolve to change, I must make some decisions and take actions different from the past. Otherwise, how can it be called a change?

So, I bit the bullet and went to the prayer meeting.

Sitting outside at the church, which is still under renovation, and praying together with the brothers and sisters, was truly a wonderful thing. The so-called “sense of belonging” isn’t a result but a process.

There are other changes in my life over the past two days.

I deleted apps like Instagram, Twitter, Xiaohongshu, and Facebook from my phone and closed the WeChat Moments. I’ve realized countless times that scrolling through content on these apps is pointless. This isn’t the first time I’ve deleted or shut down these apps or social features. I suspect I’ll re-install them again because “my heart lacks strength.” But unlike before, I don’t feel ashamed or guilty about this seemingly “defeat after defeat” reality. Because I am inherently weak, and I can only “take each day’s trouble as it comes.”

I’ve started waking up early. I do enjoy the quiet time at 5 AM, reading a devotional piece, and quietly reflecting. Right now, I’m reading “Eternal Word” on the We Read Bible app. In the evening, I read this piece again with my family.

Around six, I take a walk around the community and walk the dog. After getting back to Dallas, I felt unwell—chest tightness, dry eyes, and a constantly runny nose in the mornings. At first, I thought it was due to the fragrances and spices at home, but even after cleaning, the symptoms persisted. It was only this morning that I realized it’s allergies (similar to spring pollen allergies, just much milder). Reflecting on past experiences, I’ve found that early morning exercise helps relieve allergies. I tried it this morning, and sure enough, after exercising and returning home, my runny nose subsided.

I ask the Lord to help me. I’m very prone to legalism. When I can take action and make changes, I often boast in myself, feeling pride and peace because of the “spiritual activities” I’ve done today. Conversely, if I can’t devote quiet time to the Lord due to weakness, laziness, or simply being overwhelmed with time constraints, I experience deep self-blame, panic, and defeat. I ask the Lord to help me experience true freedom in Him.