My Son Anran

My son Anran is ten now. We moved our whole family to the United States when he was eight.

He’s an introverted, sensitive kid who cares about others. Very creative, great with his hands, often helping out with chores and thinking of the family. He’s got a lot of good qualities. He’s also pretty obedient, sometimes willingly, sometimes maybe just out of habit, like he feels he has no choice.

One thing we’ve noticed with Anran is his tendency to be a bit laid-back. He often forgets to put things back where they belong after using them.

One night, he got a warning from his teacher for some behavior at school. I didn’t scold him harshly, but honestly, both of us were in a bad mood. Before bed, I was urging him to clean up his room and get some rest. But when I saw another stack of white paper piling up on his desk, I lost it a bit. I said, “Why is there another pile of paper here? Wasn’t there one yesterday too? How can you be so careless with paper? Didn’t we buy this with money?”

Anran got a bit tense, not daring to say a word, just quietly tidying up. He moved quickly, seemed flustered.

As I was about to leave, one small thing hit me with guilt: I unintentionally saw him, after tidying up the paper, about to head into his room, but then notice something on the floor. He quickly turned back to pick it up. The hurried, confused look on his face made me really feel for him.

That night, I felt really down. There are things Anran can’t change yet, maybe things he isn’t even capable of changing yet. And honestly, I’ve got a lot of issues myself, things I can’t change yet either. We’re the same.

In moments like this, I just feel a sense of my own shortcomings and helplessness. All I can do is come before God, asking for His help and mercy.