Moving to Dallas
The other afternoon, in a half-asleep state, I wasn’t sure where I was — Shanghai, LA, or Changsha? It wasn’t until I jolted awake and cleared my head that I realized I was lying in our home in Dallas. (This is one of my most feared dreams.)
On August 8th this year, we moved from LA, where we had lived for two years, to Dallas. On the same day two years ago, we immigrated from Shanghai to the United States. (We didn’t deliberately pick this date; circumstances just pushed us to move that day.)
Why the move? In short, we’re hoping to live in a place with more conservative values in faith, education, and culture. Even though we’ve heard from friends that the differences in “conservatism” across the U.S. are shrinking, we still chose to move to a relatively more conservative area.
Like many major decisions I’ve made before, I wasn’t entirely confident about this move. Nervous, and a little scared of the unknown (also a bit excited). I kept asking myself: Is moving the right thing? Do we really have to move?
Different from the past, this time, the decision to move involved new participants, or “stakeholders” — our 14 and 9-year-old children. Even though we only lived in LA for two years, our daughter and son had made quite a few friends at school and church. Moving is not easy for them. Almost every day, my daughter gloomily asked me, “Do we really have to move?”
It’s tough for the kids, and it’s tough for me too. Facing the pressure and negative emotions from the kids, I know I can’t blame them for not understanding their parents’ situation and decisions, because they are already bearing quite a lot. But I need an outlet to release it all. Besides occasionally venting to Yanbing, all I can do is pray. What else can I do? I can only ask God for help.
After the idea of leaving California came up in late April, we checked out Tallahassee (the capital of Florida), Columbia (the capital of South Carolina), Charlotte (North Carolina), and Dallas (Texas), staying in each city for a week or two. Our “check” was really just a whirlwind drive to feel the city’s climate and landscape, attending friends’ church services and group meetings, and talking to friends. Making a decision on where to live based on such shallow assessments (each choice meaning moving the whole family at least two thousand kilometers) left us feeling anxious.
Some friends praised my decisiveness and execution, as they either had ideas but no action, or gave up because of opposition from their teenage kids. For a moment, I almost started bragging too. But later, faced with strong opposition and resistance from the kids, I found myself in extreme anguish, compelled to come before God in prayer and entrust it to Him. Gradually, I realized I had nothing to boast about. Without God’s guidance and protection, what could I do?
Now, we’re basically settled in Dallas. In the first week, we had no furniture, not even chairs to sit on. By the end of the second week, we got a sofa, dining table, and mattresses. The slight hardship felt a bit tough at the time, but it’s already a fond memory. The Dallas weather isn’t as comfortable as California, hotter, and not as cool, but we’re fine with it. In the past few weeks, we’ve already begun to feel the cost of home maintenance in Dallas. Right away, we faced a leaking irrigation system, some lawn sections and trees dying, and ants swarming up the walls. We’ve had to accept and adapt.
Thank God for providing everything, including the care and help from our new church brothers and sisters nearby. This love comes from God. Over the years, I’ve received abundant love. To such an extent, in the past six months, I’ve felt guilty because of love. Because I’ve been receiving and seldom giving.