God's Pace

Recently, burdened and weary, I attended a Christian retreat just outside Los Angeles, in a forest surrounded by desert.

I only felt the weight on my body and soul, without thinking much about why. But as I stepped into an isolated environment, my heart slowly quieted, and I began to reflect.

It turns out, the pressure and burden were largely anxiety. My anxiety seems to break down into words: impatience, endless cycles of busyness, restlessness. My days are packed, as if without such planning, everything would fall apart; and yet, this cycle repeats. Even with all this, there are still so many things left undone. These “regrets” seem to become obstacles to “the right path.” With the kids, I worry about their health and faith, yet there’s little visible change or progress each day. I’m worried.

Then I thought about a theme brought up by the pastor leading our retreat — God’s Pace. It was a small retreat, so everyone had enough space for solitude. I chose a study with sturdy pines outside the window to relax and think.

What is God’s rhythm like?

I, limited as I am, can only look at the world with limited eyes and think limited thoughts, only reflect based on limited life experience.

Looking at the pines outside the window, strong and tall, magnificent, I can’t help but praise the Creator’s greatness. Yet such a towering tree starts from a tiny seed. In my backyard, I’ve planted many plants, some from seeds too. Day by day, I can’t see the difference in their growth. This growth rate is painfully slow. As a human, I can’t stand such a pace — God’s pace. I want faster changes visible every day; God’s pace is invisible to the naked eye. Yet this imperceptible, slow pace of God is what turns seeds into trees.

Reflecting on our nine-month-old daughter’s growth is also an awe-inspiring wonder. To me, she seems no different today from yesterday, but over nine months, she’s grown over twenty centimeters. How did she grow? Actually, she’s growing every moment, slowly, at God’s set pace, just unseen by me.

My son has allergies, eczema, asthma. We constantly pray for his health, especially his eczema. While his skin is slowly getting better, some eczema persists. At night, holding his hand, praying, my heart aches, and I pity myself. How I long for a miracle, for his hand to heal instantly. I used to complain about God’s slow pace; now I find myself patient enough to wait.

Thinking of my faith journey, God led me to church in 2006, baptized in 2008 — almost twenty years of growth. But if I separated myself into a father role, measuring my faith growth daily, it would be a teeth-gritting, “why-aren’t-you-better-yet” feeling, because my growth’s so slow. But this is the pace God set for me to grow, a slow pace even I struggle to accept.

The great Creator of the universe grows all things and changes hearts slowly, renewing minds gently.

The pastor challenged us: why is God’s pace so slow?

I thought of kindness and gentleness.

God is slow because He is truly a patient, kind, gentle Father. He gives us time to grow, to change; He isn’t anxious, doesn’t push me, doesn’t discourage me, but waits patiently. Any small growth I make, He rejoices with me.

I need to follow God’s pattern, slow down, slow down in every aspect of life. Even this learning, I have to approach slowly. For someone who’s worked in an internet industry driven by “faster is better,” that’s tough; but with God, all things are possible.

Slowly. Patiently waiting.