Changsha
Changsha, my hometown, where I grew up, the starting point of my life. Yet for the past decade or so, I’ve been trying to escape it. When I was young, my parents said, study hard to escape the rural life and get a “state job.” After college, the best opportunities in design and the internet were in major cities. It seemed like leaving my hometown was what success meant. And going back to Changsha after years of struggling was an admission of failure. So even during Chinese New Year holidays in Changsha, I was filled with anxiety and restlessness, eager to get back to the city I worked in (first Hangzhou, now Shanghai), to find my sense of social security in the state of “actively working and living.”
This year, I’ve gone back to Changsha more than ever and spent more time there. I’m surprised that I’m starting to find a sense of peace living in Changsha. This peace comes from being convinced that “this is life.” There might be two reasons for this.
First, for our family, the difference between living in Shanghai and Changsha isn’t that big. The resources and facilities we need are mostly available in Changsha, within our spending capacity, just like in Shanghai. So I’ve often thought: for ordinary people, what’s the advantage of big cities? In terms of work, I’m currently working remotely, so there’s no difference. In terms of socializing, since our friends are mainly in church and Christians, there’s no difference between the two cities.
Second, I may be starting to focus on family ties. I don’t mean “more focused,” but “starting to focus.” Clearly, contrary to what my friends know of me, with family, I’m “heartless and stone-hearted,” someone overly independent from parents. Regarding this, I might have misused the biblical teaching “leave your father and mother” while neglecting “honor your father and mother.” Although I don’t like to talk about “middle age,” it’s indeed at this point in my life journey that I learn the importance of relationships, especially with parents. Even if not very important, they can’t be ignored. Putting myself in my parents’ shoes, I hope my children will accompany me more when I’m old. My parents probably hope for the same, right?
I’ve not written for a while. On the surface, life seems calm, but deep inside, it’s very turbulent. The environment is difficult and unstable; many issues need resolution and there are many possible directions in life. Looking back at all my past decisions — leaving Changsha for Hangzhou in 2006, joining the church, getting “flash married” in 2009, joining Liulishuo and moving to Shanghai in 2013, choosing “C education” for my kids in 2015, leaving Liulishuo in 2019, working for WD in 2021 — each one appears to be my choice, but in hindsight, it was all guided and watched over by the God I believe in. I truly don’t know what lies ahead, what tomorrow holds.