Is He Really My Lord?

Mar 5, 2021 at 6:56 AM

我却不以性命为念，也不看为宝贵，只要行完我的路程，成就我从主耶稣所领受的职事，证明　神恩惠的福音。（使徒行传 20:24 和合本）
…so that I may finish my race with joy, and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus…

Oswald Chambers said, joy is completing my created and reborn purpose, not just successfully completing a task.

Sure, there is a joy, a sense of accomplishment, in “emulating God’s creative work” when completing a task successfully. But often, it’s about fulfilling personal desires, pride, and dignity. Who is the task for? What’s the motive?

Look at my current work. Even if it’s serving Christians and God’s church, it can easily become a way to fulfill my pride, to make my name known.

Every Christian has their own path. What’s my path? What’s God’s calling for me? Chambers said that “Need” is not the same as “Call.”

After becoming a Christian, I’ve been looking for “that one thing worth doing,” or in worldly terms, “direction, dreams, ideals.” I’ve tried doing some things, but in the end, I haven’t found satisfaction or a certainty that this is God’s calling for me.

Not finding it led me to stop searching. So I just look for where there’s a need (Need). What can I do? Is it my interest? I try to do “helpful” things. Helping others might not be wrong, but for God, my mindset is not right. I’ve stopped seeking and asking God about His will for me. Even if what I do is beneficial to others, regarding God’s call, I’m “neglecting duty.”

For more than two years, it feels like I’ve been living a retired life, but my heart seems in a wilderness. Compared to before, I think I’m more open to God’s calling and better prepared.

Lord, help me not to stray from You, but to understand Your will for me in connection with You. Give me faith and courage to follow it. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Thank God for:

1. Wrapping up the collaboration with Tony. Thank you, Tony, for being open, honest, and in sync during our work together. It was a pleasant experience. I wish Tony success in his upcoming projects, and hope one day he will come to know God;
2. Thank Liza for her help in solving design questions;
3. Thank Linda’s homeroom teacher and subject teachers. Last night, at 9:30 PM, Linda still had half her homework unfinished (she hadn’t even started her math homework). I told her to stop and go to bed. Later, I communicated with her homeroom teacher. Thank the teachers for understanding and helping Linda during her adjustment period after transferring schools.