Have You Felt The Hurt of The Lord?
Mar 2, 2021 at 9:25 PM
“The third time he said to him, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me?’” (John 21:17, NIV)
Peter was grieved because Jesus asked him the third time, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
Originally, Peter was full of zeal and passion; he once declared before the Lord, “I am willing to die for you.” But soon, “before the rooster crows you will disown me three times” happened. It brutally, directly, and powerfully showed Peter his own weakness and inability, revealing that his love was so fickle and fleeting.
When Jesus asked Peter again, “Do you love me?”, Peter’s responses each time were thoughtful and repentant—heavy. He understood the Lord better than before, knowing He is all-knowing; at the same time, Peter fully recognized and experienced his own weakness and limitations. There was nothing left to boast about or declare.
Peter replied, “Lord, you know that I love you.” At this moment, what kind of love did Peter have for the Lord? Honestly, it’s hard to understand. Maybe he was expressing, I want to love you, though I am utterly incapable. I only have a heart to love you.
“He was grieved,” the KJV says, “Peter was hurt,” meaning pierced. The ESV has “Peter was grieved,” meaning distressed, saddened.
What kind of emotion or feeling is it to be grieved, pierced, saddened because of the Lord Jesus? I closed my eyes to think and recall, but for a moment, I found it hard to feel. Later, when talking with Brother XF about this, I remembered years ago, there were several times I wept bitterly in prayer, feeling pierced, torn in my heart—yet my soul was incomparably peaceful, joyful, and healed. However, in recent years, I haven’t had much of this experience.
Like Peter, being hurt by the Lord Jesus is an essential experience for every Christian. To see oneself clearly (to know oneself), be broken, and simply love the Lord.
Thank God:
This devotional note paused for over a week. Two reasons. First, my understanding of “justification” and “sanctification” remains superficial. It seems like the daily content is redundant, as if I already grasp it all. Feelings of boredom and numbness due to shallow understanding have led to abandoning drafts halfway. Second, my child’s recent school transfer required evenings helping my daughter adapt, which was quite draining. The next day, I needed to stop my devotions by 6:40 (still sticking to a 5:30 wake-up. During the kids’ winter break, I’d write until around 7:00), to drive them to school. My rhythm got disrupted. Need to get back on track.
- Thank God for His care. Last week was tough. By Saturday, I felt like a deer panting for streams of water, longing for the Sunday sermon. Sure enough, God’s words revived me. As the saying goes, people live by breath—Christians live by God’s “breath of life” in our nostrils, becoming living souls.
- Thank God for His care. The children adapted quickly to the new school. The teachers really supported them during the adjustment. After I tutored for three days, the teacher suggested reducing the extra help, so they could assess the kids’ true level, and avoid creating dependency. Thankful for the teachers.
- Thank God for His creation. One day, I watched NASA’s latest Mars videos. The brown rocks and peaks there resemble those I’d seen in Qinghai. The monotone, noisy sounds weren’t much different from a desert. But Mars has no life. I browsed some info on the solar system on Wikipedia too; it’s astonishing that in such a vast universe, only tiny Earth has an environment suitable for humans and all kinds of life. And this environment is so beautifully created. Lately, when I’d look up at the blue sky, white clouds, branches, leaves, smell the flowers, watch the fish swimming—I am filled with awe and gratitude.