My Unbelievable Ignorance
Jan 29, 2021 at 6:30 AM
I said, “Who are you, Lord?” The Lord replied, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting.” (Acts 26:15, NIV)
A lot of people ask me why I left my previous job at Liulishuo. Why choose my current lifestyle and work (work style)? Each time, I try to answer honestly and share the main reasons behind my decisions.
Even though I deeply contemplated these major decisions, considering them as thoroughly as I could, I’m still limited by my ignorance of the future and my own foolishness. When I revisit those reasons, I realize they’re incomplete and quite superficial.
Often, I wonder, how did I make those decisions? (Leaving my hometown Changsha in 2006 for Hangzhou alone, or my whirlwind marriage in 2009.) Or how did I manage to make “right” choices? (In terms of personal gain—leaving Liulishuo in 2019, and seeing its stock plummet soon after.)
Every time I look back, I feel there’s been a force guiding, even pushing and urging me. I believe it’s God’s leading. For that, I thank God.
My understanding of God has been slow to develop. It seems God only “lives in my memories,” a God “who was with me in the past.” Is God with me now and in the future? “Who are you, Lord?”
When it came to “understanding God’s will” for personal directions and life affairs, five or six years ago, I desperately sought a supernatural experience of hearing God’s voice. After failing, I grew numb and indifferent, stopped seeking. Eventually, I returned to the Bible to understand God’s will and guidance.
Returning to the Bible to understand God’s will, I think, can’t be wrong. But it lacks vibrancy. Today, Oswald Chambers reminded me, God speaks through the circumstances, the people, and events I encounter. Does this environment, this work, help me to better emulate Jesus’ gentle and humble spirit? Does it nurture growth? Or does it lead to self-satisfaction and pride?
Thank God:
- For the first time, I presented my design ideas at WD. Initially nervous, but after a silent prayer, I felt calm and relaxed. Thank God for His protection.
- Yesterday evening, I drove alone to Sam’s Club to buy Chinese New Year supplies. I love driving; it makes me feel free and happy. It was also a chance to clear my head since I hadn’t been out much lately.
- Grateful for a call and chat with Dayu. Conversations with family, friends, and fellow believers, while not providing tangible help, warm the heart and make you feel loved and loving. Words are powerful because the God who created us in His image created the world with His words.