It's Unbelievable How I Persecute Jesus

He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, ‘Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?’ (Acts 9:4, NIV)

Sometimes I feel that faith, belief, and obedience to God are very real and practical. When I have conflicts or unpleasant moments with others, can I willingly forgive them? (Most of the time, the mistake is actually mine.) By myself, forgiveness is impossible. Even though I know “do not let the sun go down on your anger.” It’s just too hard.

Often at these times, the Holy Spirit reminds me: come before God and forgive others because of Jesus’ love. This moment is a true test of faith and obedience to God. The difficulty of this test is not less than “Israelites crossing the Red Sea.”

I often fail. It’s too hard. Because truly forgiving, pardoning, and accepting others requires me to lay down my pride before God, before others, and before myself. I tend to magnify the “flaws” of others, defining them entirely by these “flaws,” while I can’t see my own issues even with a magnifying glass, believing that in front of others and God, I am “just okay,” “neither good nor bad,” refusing to admit I am completely broken.

Reflecting on yesterday’s life made me see how I “am unwilling to deny myself.” Pray that God sheds light on me to see my completely broken state, leaving a haunting impression.

When I don’t realize my own brokenness, when I care for and preserve my so-called “dignity,” unwilling to follow the urging of the Holy Spirit, as brother Oswald Chambers would say, I am “persecuting Jesus.”

Jesus said, “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” When it comes to those close to me (parents, wife, kids), my heart is always filled with irritability and anger, lacking any gentleness and humility. This is truly where I need to learn from and emulate Jesus.

Thank God:

Yesterday, due to a “gas issue,” I said something very hurtful to my son Anran. He was sad for a long time. I knew it was inappropriate, but I didn’t realize a 6-year-old could fully understand the meaning. Later, I chatted with him and apologized. He forgave me. Thank God.
Because of the “gas issue,” through this morning’s devotional, I saw that my attitude towards my wife lacked Jesus’ “gentleness and humility.” Thank God for His word.
Shared experiences using Figma with design partners at WD. Figma is truly a fun tool.