4th Grade Parent-Teacher Meeting with Linda

Yesterday (July 3, 2020), Yanbing and I attended Linda’s end-of-year one-on-one parent-teacher meeting. We spent nearly an hour talking with her teacher, Ms. F.

First, we discussed her grades. The report was thorough. Vertically organized by subject and horizontally by homework, quizzes, comprehensive assessments, final exams, and an overall score based on these four items. While most parents focus on final exam scores (and honestly, that’s the first thing I noticed too), the other areas aren’t to be ignored. For instance, homework scores can show how diligent a kid is throughout the term.

Grades are just the outcome; they don’t mean much by themselves. What’s meaningful is analyzing why our child got those scores, whether high or low. Thank God for Ms. F, who as Linda’s homeroom teacher, analyzed the causes behind Linda’s varying scores and gave us plenty of feedback and suggestions.

Grade Analysis

High Scores

Looking at this year, Linda’s high scores were in Spelling and French. The reason is her genuine interest in these subjects. She feels free while learning, so she puts in the effort. It’s a good thing when interest and study align.

Low Scores

Before discussing low scores, Ms. F reminded us not to get fixated on the results. Instead, we should analyze what’s behind the scores and see how we can help Linda. The main low scores were in Chinese and Math.

Honestly, if Ms. F asked me to explain why Linda scored low in these subjects, I wouldn’t have an answer. Since third grade, Yanbing and I haven’t been directly involved in Linda’s studies or tutoring (we can’t keep up anymore — how would I tutor French?). We just supervise. From what I can see, Linda seems equally serious about all subjects and finishes her homework. We can mostly tell which subjects she’s interested in (she lights up for those). I really needed to hear Ms. F’s breakdown.

Ms. F told us that Linda’s study methods in these subjects are rigid, her thinking isn’t open, and she’s not free. She’s emotional and needs to improve her adaptability (to people and environments).

Oh, really? How so?

Rigid Study Methods

When Ms. F tries to correct Linda’s mistakes, she agrees verbally but stubbornly sticks to her own understanding instead. Having her own thoughts is good, but she pushes it a bit too far. She’s not breaking out of her mindset or trying new methods. This calls for a more open mindset, willing to try different approaches.

Being Emotional

Linda’s emotions get high when she’s interested or comfortable with people and situations but drop quickly when facing challenges or conflicts. After Ms. F mentioned this, she asked how Linda acts at home. I admitted, “She’s emotional at home too. It’s largely because I’m emotional,” Yanbing chimed in, “Me too. I’m also easily affected.”

This isn’t us passing the buck; it really reflects our family situation. My emotions affect Yanbing’s, which affects Linda’s emotions and attitude towards her brother. Achieving “joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control” is tough. Controlling our emotions and helping our kids learn to do the same is a big challenge. Besides relying on God, what other method is there? Honestly, the responsibility is on me. As the head of the family, having a good relationship with God helps the household.

“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23, NIV)

Adaptability

At school, classmates, and teachers are pretty consistent, making relationships simple. During the pandemic, the Math teacher changed temporarily, which affected Linda’s study state a lot, and it took her a long time to adjust. Other kids were affected too, but Linda’s reaction was stronger and slower to adjust. She needs to build adaptability, which will later help her in social and work settings.

Fifth Grade and the Puberty Hurdle

Towards the end of our meeting, Ms. F gave advice on Linda’s future growth. She mentioned, “At ten, during fifth grade, girls enter a puberty stage that requires special parental attention.” Handling this well can make growing up smoother, although if not, it doesn’t mean all is lost, just costly.

Balancing Attention between Two Kids

In families with two kids, especially those 4-5 years apart, parents tend to focus more on the younger one, often without realizing the neglect of the older child. A child’s heart is sensitive, though they might not express it. Slowly, their personality and attitude can turn negative. (I’ve seen this trend, our 5-year-old son’s like a playful pet, while we’ve overlooked our daughter, thinking as long as she’s not hungry or missing homework, she’s fine.)

Talk More to Her

Talking with kids is essential. Ms. F suggested we ensure a set time every day, maybe 20 minutes, to chat. Focus on the quality and depth of conversation. A 10-year-old can still build that communication channel; otherwise, as they hit puberty, silence between them and us becomes standard, naturally driving them to keep things to themselves, cutting parents off from understanding and guiding them. (This reminder really hits home, especially for a dad like me who’s a man of few words.)

Dad Matters

Generally, mothers are emotional. Structurally, dads’ logic impacts children’s thinking, temperament, and poise immensely. Dad’s support is crucial. Tell your child, “Go ahead. If mistakes happen, I’ll face them with you. Don’t worry.” This assurance backs them with confidence.

Expose Her to Real Life

The school environment is pure. We need to slowly expose kids to the real world: its beauty and ugliness, kindness and evil, honesty and deceit. If they’re sheltered in a greenhouse, stepping out one day leaves them shocked by the contrast, impacting their worldview. (True, the world isn’t perfect; learn early.)

Set Necessary Rules

Ms. F mentioned kids talking about a student who committed suicide over their parents’ control. It frightens schools, teachers, and parents. Now, schools often yield, even canceling final exams. Yet, Ms. F advised, “Don’t fear rules. Right discipline must stand.” Of course, based on ongoing communication and influence, not sudden angry outbursts or harsh punishment. (Honestly, seeing suicide in the news, it frightens me too — I’ve asked Yanbing if the kids would do something rash.)

Give More Freedom and Space

Raising a 10-year-old is vastly different from a 5-year-old. A 10-year-old needs principles and rules but also freedom and space, including room for mistakes. Feeling trusted fosters self-discipline and responsibility, maturing their mind. Avoid micro-managing. (I totally agree. This approach parallels workplace management strategies.)

Focus on the Heart

Fourth grade is just the beginning. Their potential and plasticity are untouched. So, at this stage, grades aren’t what’s most important. The key is their heart — is it free, unblocked, and open? Everything leads back to the heart, even exam scores. From them, understand and help straighten what’s in their heart. Education is everywhere, be it through studies or life experiences. (Thanks for the reminder: watch the heart)

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23, NIV)

I’m sincerely grateful for Ms. F and our deep parent-teacher meeting. The observations, understanding, and feedback on Linda’s learning and social interactions are insights that aren’t apparent to us parents or ones we’ve overlooked. I believe that without Ms. F’s genuine love and concern for our child, such detailed and empathetic observations and advice wouldn’t have been possible. Thank God!