Love and Marriage

Recently, I’ve been reading Bonhoeffer, and one line struck me deeply and resonated with me:

“It’s not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love.”

There’s a saying: “Marriage is the grave of love.”

For many, that’s how it is. When a marriage begins, the love between two people, if not ended, at least fades. Some are confident that their love can make the marriage last “eternally,” “until death do us part,” by sustaining the marriage with love. Are there successful cases? By “successful,” I don’t mean marriages where “there’s no fighting and they just get by,” but ones where body and soul remain deeply united over time.

At least, I have to admit, my love can’t sustain my marriage.

What is marriage, really? It’s too profound. Here, I’ll just share some simple thoughts.

Marriage is a gift from God, a union of body and soul between a man and a woman. Under God’s authority, day after day, there is self-sacrifice for the other and complete acceptance of the other as a person. This sacrifice and acceptance is called love. Obviously, this love isn’t surface-level or driven by desire. This love is deeper, holier, and comes from God.

God gave holy marriage before Adam and Eve sinned. After sin entered, a sinner’s love can’t meet God’s original marriage standard. A sinner’s love is powerless. I must admit, my own love can’t sustain a marriage. Though admitting this might hurt or unsettle my other half, it’s true.

So, admit that you don’t have enough love. Abandon trying to sustain marriage with your own love; that’s the start of a steady marriage. We need to receive love from God daily.

For the sake of marriage, before God, sacrifice ourselves for the other, set aside personal needs, and through this, our individual lives mature, becoming more Christ-like. Our love within is purified and gradually increases. Therefore, through God’s marriage, the love between husband and wife grows and naturally sustains their bond as well.