Friends and Knocking on Doors

Friends

I’ve been reading Bonhoeffer’s biography lately. I’m really envious of the kind of deep friendships he had — especially with Eberhard Bethge — where they could openly and freely share their faith and lives, supporting each other unconditionally. But, it made me reflect. The other night, I couldn’t help but keep asking Yanbing, “I have no friends. Who are my friends? Who can I have a deep conversation with?”

Linda, who was doing her homework nearby, overheard me. Yesterday at lunch, after I had to discipline her for something, she said, “Dad, I know why you don’t have friends.” I asked her why, but she refused to tell me.

Honestly, I’m not a bad person, so I should have friends. At different stages of my life, I’ve had friends I could talk to. But over time, we drifted apart. Not just because of distance or lack of time, but sometimes I just closed myself off.

Reflecting on my “lack of friends,” I remembered something with my dad. Between my parents and me, especially with my dad, our phone conversations always stuck to “Have you eaten? What did you eat? How’s your health? What’s keeping you busy today?” (Linda always asks why I ask my parents what they ate).

Why can’t we have deeper conversations? Our generation tends to blame it on a “generation gap,” that our parents can’t understand us. But I realized that’s not it. Once, before I planned to leave Liulishuo in 2019, I decided to overcome my “social barriers” and shared my thoughts with my dad. I asked him, “What’s the most important decision you’ve made in your life?” He was surprised and awkwardly asked why I was asking. I told him, “I plan to leave my current company, it’s a big decision, and I want your thoughts. Don’t worry about me.” After I spoke, he was silent for a moment, then nervously said he hadn’t seen much of the world, hadn’t had many experiences, or made any risky decisions. That late-night call in the car on the street near my community is something I’ll never forget.

Thinking back on this, I realized that the depth of friendship depends on how proactive, open, and honest we are with each other. Changed my perspective. The next day, I easily reached out to former colleagues and friends I hadn’t contacted in a long time.

Knocking on Doors

I’m actually a very insecure person. Because of my insecurity, I’ve missed many opportunities. Some designers move into management after four or five years, but it took me nearly ten years to step into management. Insecure people fear failure; fundamentally, we fear rejection more than failure. The more I understand myself, the more I recognize my weaknesses, and the more I thank God for guiding me. Seven years ago, others more qualified probably should have joined Liulishuo, but I was “pushed” into the opportunity. Non-believers might call it luck or fate, but I thank God for His mercy.

Last Sunday, I watched Uma Wang’s talk on Yixi. When she was starting her brand, she got rejected by a key distributor and basically could have given up. On the way back, her sales partner suggested they stop by a buyer’s store to inquire about potential cooperation. Uma hesitated and said, “You go ahead, I have no confidence left, can’t take the embarrassment.” She hid behind a tree across the street, watching her sales colleague go, knock at the door, and secure the initial collaboration.