Third Quarter 2011

It’s the first time I’ve hated autumn.

Sure, the days are crisp and clear, but my worsening sinusitis and dry eyes made me feel anything but “refreshed.” Plus, the cursed mouth sore from overheating.

Even though I’ve been playing basketball at 6:30 each morning, by evening, my body feels exhausted.

This is the life I chose for myself, to leave a stable, inefficient, chaotic environment.

Things aren’t looking optimistic, at least not from where I stand, although there’ve been some exciting moments along the way.

“What on earth am I doing? What do I want to do? What can I do?”

Questions I can’t avoid, but can’t answer right now.

I’ve strayed from my faith for a long time, like a fish out of water, floating through the air.

“God hasn’t been unkind to me, despite my frequent denials”—one day it just hit me, in my faith low.

That’s true.

Looking back at these past couple of weeks, it’s been like walking through “the valley of the shadow of death.”

Insecurity, doubt, speculation, lack of assurance, judgment, greed, despair, self-indulgence, numbness, negativity, lack of restraint, and more.

“No matter how the outside world changes, I have to move in my own direction at my own pace”—I told myself one day.

From June 30th until now, it’s been three months.

A whole quarter has just gone by. Time flies!

Alright, mister boss, I hope you can be reliable. Time’s running short for both of us.