Practice

Practice

My wife is sleeping.

I turned on the computer I just shut down five minutes ago. After soaking my feet in hot water, I’m forcing myself to practice writing.

Life after marriage is of course happy and sweet. But I find myself with less self-control, no plans, unable to stick to things. It seems like whether I spend my days this way or that way, it doesn’t make a difference. Even the gift website I planned two months ago has made no progress.

Work hasn’t been much better. Every day just seems the same. Sigh.

I actually have a lot to do. But my confidence in the unknown is sometimes strong, sometimes weak.

My wife says I need to change. Start from the heart, start with the connection with God.

But, God?

I’m a bit confused. Some friends might be surprised to hear this from someone who calls himself a Christian, but really, who is God?

Today I found out that a good friend’s father passed away, cancer I think. I felt a wave of sadness, but what can I do?

I asked my wife, what if something like that happened to us? I worried she didn’t understand, so I clarified—what if our fathers passed away?

No answer. There really isn’t an answer.

A friend’s father died, cancer. I was sad. If this happened to us, what shall we do?

To be continued…

When it comes to life, my attitude is pessimistic right now because maybe tomorrow, or maybe there isn’t a tomorrow. Maybe this pessimism is good; it makes me cherish the present moment from the heart.