On Weddings
Recently, this year, many friends and classmates have gotten married. My little sister, Yang Yang, Tan Lu, and Tang Liu, for example. Congratulations to you all.
But, when friends and classmates ask me how much money to give as a wedding gift, scouring social circles for a “suitable” amount—I find it all very annoying. If you give too much, you regret it; give too little compared to others, and you fear losing face or damaging relationships.
I really dislike these questions. I fundamentally oppose and try to avoid anything hollow or insincere.
When I joined a Christian house church in 2006, Brother Zhou mentioned a sister in Shanghai was getting married and asked if anyone wanted to attend the wedding. Several people volunteered. I was calculating how much to give as a gift. But Brother Zhou said a simple gift would do, like a bouquet of flowers, a card filled with blessings, and a prayer. I felt so relieved. Their wedding was simple yet moving, and they received many sincere blessings.
Ironically, I’ve had friends boast about sitting on their bed after their wedding guests left, counting the cash gifts (including who gave how much), with money spread all over the bed.
Absurd. Sad. Life’s greatest blessing ceremonies have turned into a transaction.
I’ve been discussing weddings often lately because I might be getting married this year. Haha.
So, regarding weddings, I feel it’s necessary to make a statement:
If friends live too far away, I won’t attend the wedding. I hope they’ll understand. Truthfully, marriage is your business; as a friend, knowing you’re married is enough.
I won’t give money—I don’t have any. A small gift (under 100 RMB) is still feasible, haha.
At my wedding, no cash gifts are allowed. I refuse to accept money, even from those married friends I’ve given cash gifts to before. Just a small gift will do, not exceeding 50 RMB. Of course, your blessing is what I need.
If any friends or classmates read my statement, please pass it along: “Wang Nan, this crazy, heartless guy who doesn’t value friendships, issued a laughable wedding statement." Thanks.
If you can’t understand my statement, please don’t invite me to your wedding or come to mine. I don’t mind losing a friend like this.
I want my friendships to be as simple and clear as water.