Late Autumn
It’s been more than two months since I touched my camera. This morning, the sunrise outside my window tempted me to capture this late autumn.
A little about my life recently. 2008, honestly, feels like a failure for me. But I plan to make the most of these remaining 30 days and break some bad habits. They say it takes 21 days to break or form a habit if you stick to it. I’ll give it a try.
Haven’t written much for a long time because I felt like any record was pointless, as everything gets forgotten and no one remembers.
Last night, I read The Future Community, and one line stood out: “An individual can only find meaning in existence through connections with others.” Honestly, since primary school, I’ve been a “problem kid” (it feels “cringey” to call myself a kid now) — reclusive, lonely, self-respecting, yet self-doubting, and simultaneously ambitious. It’s been this mix accompanying me for over 20 years. I’ve always been out of place, unable to fit into groups or teams. Even when I try to blend into a crowd, I end up pulling myself away. So, I have few friends (though they’re all great). I guess, in today’s world, there aren’t many like me, constantly agonizing over time and the meaning of personal existence, because everyone seems busy chasing the world’s wealth. (Haha, it’s tiring. Besides pondering life, I occasionally think about making money.)
Anyway, the main thing I wanted to say is I suddenly find that phrase makes a lot of sense: the individual can’t find personal meaning within himself, only through connections and relationships with others.
So, the conclusion is, I’ll start reaching out to friends more, and I’ll share more about my life. There are a few friends I particularly miss: Yi Zong, loyal and troublesome, Lao Zhang, Little Brother, and the two Flower-Flowers.
Autumn truly is for missing friends.
And lately, I’ve been feeling a strong urge to get married. I even told Ms. Panda Head that I’ll get married next year. Alas, I don’t even know where my other half is. That’s one worry about going home for the New Year this year. Without a “girlfriend ticket,” my parents might not let me go home. Really pitiful.
Haha, what am I even talking about?