Chinese New Year 08

After nearly 60 hours on a delayed train, 40 minutes on a long-distance bus, about 2 hours on public transportation, and 15 minutes on a motorcycle, I finally got home.

My parents looked much older, especially my father. Communication with them is sparse, as it’s always been. We’re an introverted family; we keep things to ourselves. But this year, something came up. My parents mentioned it, even my brother did. They said I should find a girlfriend and think about marriage. They’ve mentioned this before, but hearing it face-to-face from family feels overwhelming. Every relative I visited asked if I was seeing someone. I almost ended up in a matchmaking session.

Then there’s the reminder from my parents that I need to save and consider buying a house in Changsha because, well, marriage.

Honestly, my parents are right. But this isn’t the life I want. I don’t even know exactly what kind of life I want, just a vague direction I believe isn’t wrong. I don’t want to chase money or worry about buying a house. As for marriage, I won’t be pressured by others. I’m aware of my own shortcomings and not ready to take on family responsibilities. I’d like to wander for a couple more years. I want to live in Beijing for a year.

At home, I’m conflicted and troubled. I think I’m being selfish. When talking with Donggua, he said something reassuring: “Be filial to your parents, but don’t be restricted by their values.”

On the third night of the new year, my father again suggested I pursue a teaching career, mentioning a family friend who lucked into a job at a nearby school, got housing, and bought a small car. “Stability,” my father repeated. He suggested teaching back when I was a freshman and hasn’t stopped. This time, I hit back with a strong statement: “I’ll consider teaching when there’s no financial pressure. A teacher should be a good one, serious about teaching. If it’s just for stability or money, that teacher won’t do any good and will harm kids.” My father stayed silent. I doubt he’ll bring up teaching again.

Life at home is much the same: eating, drinking, sitting by the fire, watching TV… My faith practice fell apart; I didn’t even read a passage from the Bible. On the fourth day, Sunday, I went with Donggua and his mom to a small church in the town. It was my first time at a rural church service, and I was deeply moved. Elderly folks, middle-aged people, young men, children… all listening intently. The sermon was great, delivered in simple language with examples from rural life. Hymns were sung in the local dialect; I almost didn’t understand them.

Afterward, we ate at a sister’s house. She has three daughters, two in college. The family seemed poor, but they were very happy and content.

They clearly have hope for life.

Again it makes me think: Is happiness about money and material things?

I started checking return train tickets from the third day. On the fifth day, I went to the station and wasn’t surprised: no tickets. I went with Peng Lishan to school instead. I haven’t been back in nearly three years. The campus was very quiet. I walked the classic routes around the school alone, filled with emotion. I naturally thought of my relationship from two years ago—such beautiful memories. Youth, slipping further away every year. Whenever “youth” comes up, I’m always sad, as it feels ever more distant until I’m young again.

I thought about college life: classes, dorm life, staying up all night drawing, skipping classes, playing soccer; thought about classmates—Lao Zhang, Lao Peng, Chen Bin, Xiao Sun, Lu Di, Wang Tao, Lao Zhao, Han Banban… friends or those animals, sometimes harmonious, sometimes not. Reflecting, it feels so wonderful. I wonder what they’re all doing now?

Walking the paths of campus, seeing those buildings, I thought: After four years of university, what should students learn? What should the university give them? For skills-based majors, undoubtedly, students need to learn skills. I think for most students, a university should help them understand beauty, love, courage, kindness, integrity, confidence through four years of college life. Universities aren’t businesses! Maybe one day I’ll go into education.

On the fifth afternoon, I met my little sister. It’s been two years. We talked about our lives—mostly about faith. I really hope my sister will have faith someday, and live a life of peace and joy by relying on it. I feel so inadequate because of my shaky faith, and I sound weak when talking faith with her. I truly hope the Almighty will watch over my sister. Thanks to God.

In the evening, I stayed at Wang Tao’s place. We were close friends in freshman year but had a misunderstanding in the second semester of sophomore year and didn’t talk until a farewell dinner when we drank and made up. It was such a small thing. Now we’re good friends again. He’s serious about life, found a wife, bought a house, and is happy. Haha. I slept on their couch. Owning your place must feel great, but I won’t chase a house just to have one. We talked about media topics, similar to the internet stuff. We also talked a lot about his life. I shared some of mine but it seems both our lives are busy and fulfilling. For breakfast, his mom made dumplings. They were delicious. This trip was so rushed, I forgot to bring a small gift. I’ll make it up to him later.

I wrote these words over two hours. I’ll just list the events briefly:

February 3rd, snow in Hangzhou.

February 4th at 4 PM, the train. Waited in line, told it would be delayed until noon on the 5th.

February 5th at noon, waited, told it would be delayed until 4 PM; at 4 PM told it would be delayed until 6 PM; at 6 PM told it would be delayed until 8:50 PM; finally left at 8:50 PM.

February 6th, the train at Zhuzhou station, queued for 2 hours. (Stuck almost at the doorstep!)

February 7th, celebrated New Year at grandma’s. Not really close with second uncle’s family, like strangers. Grandma’s in poor health, maybe…

February 9th, at my uncles’. On New Year’s Eve, they asked if I’d brought a girlfriend. I jokingly said I did. On February 9th, they were all waiting for her to show up, with red packets ready. Haha.

February 10th, town church service. Afternoon chat with Donggua.

February 11th, visited alma mater.

Wang Tao

Little sister

February 12th, booked flight, met with Xiami Mama; met with Huahua.

Huahua

Brother Hai (carrying bags for three women, impressive)

February 13th, returned to Hangzhou. Tidied up. Living in a little room isn’t too bad.

February 14th, back to work.